Alpha Writers
recently assigned
"Something Learned From a Hardship."
My first thoughts were --
I've had an easy life;
I have nothing to write about.
While walking our country road
the following morning. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 | ||||
personal hardships . . . .
enough to fill a page.
*When growing up on our family farm, my oldest brother tormented me.
*A Christmas doll whose once perfect complexion was forever pitted by Ajax
by a younger brother.
*A high school coach with killer workouts.
*A college freshman history course.
*My first year of teaching and the terror I felt for weeks.
. . . and, of course, . . .
*Marriage and children were a mixed basket of trials and blessings
including the occasional worry of not being able to pay the bills,
a mouthy child.
You get the picture.
What was I thinking?
Let's start at the beginning:my oldest brother.
of the farm tractor to me one summer day.
Thirteen months older than I, much wiser,
and already developing an interest in farming,
he hopped on the Oliver tractor
and pulled me up beside him.
Pushing the clutch and working the throttle,
the tractor catapulted forward.
Dwight knew how to start the tractor,
but he had not mastered steering.
Leaving its station by the gas drum,
it took off.
Speechless, we watched with alarm as
the tractor lumbered over the rutted farmyard,
knocked over fences,
and rammed nose-first into our massive red barn
--a mere rumble left in its throat.
The cattle bellowed, the chickens scattered,
and Dad came out of the corn crib to check the commotion.
My mother burst from the house, a look of sheer terror on her face.
 | |||||||
| Dwight giving instructions on driving. |
I should have learned from that experience not to trust him. Some lessons are learned the hard way. He tormented me by throwing rocks at my bare legs while walking the quarter-mile lane at the end of the school day. Sundays may have been the Sabbath; however, he teased me on the way home from church and then chased me up the stairs hoping to get a good push or punch in before dinner time. I had his routine down after a few weeks and would jump out of the car ahead of him, bang the back door in his face, and rush upstairs. Slamming my bedroom door, I sat with my back against the bed and my legs ram-rod straight to hold the door shut. A vertical crack exists to this day.
The circumstances of our relationship worsened as we got older.
Confessing to my mother one day,
I hate him, and I can't help it,
was a low point in my life.
With four brothers added to the family by this time, she could only sympathize.
Dwight left for college. There was less conflict; however, I found myself missing him. I left for college a year later. We never wrote; we never talked on the phone. He did occasionally return my roommate and me to school after a weekend at home.
I can't remember when it turned around.
Like many things, it took time.
Like many things, it took time.
Several years later, he attended my college graduation... along with his own family: his first wife and a new baby.
 |
| 1969 college graduation--a family picture. |
Thinking back, I realize that resilience, persistence, resourcefulness were developing as I grew up with five brothers. These words weren't a part of my vocabulary or understanding as a child or as a teenager. Neither was grace.
However,
when at my low points,
I was beginning to understand grace
--without my knowledge of doing so.
In WE SEE IN A MIRROR DIMLY, my first book, Julie, the protagonist, returns to her mother's grave to read the verse on the headstone.
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
II Corinthians 12:9
Julie walks to the nearby church, finds the pastor, and asks him to define grace.
"Grace?" He paused, steepled his fingers and looked upward. "What a wonderful question. Not a common one though. Let me see what I can do for you." He smiled somewhat impishly and continued. "It's a girl's name, although not very popular anymore. It's another word for a prayer.
. . . By grace are you saved through faith, not by works, it is a gift of God, not of works . . . What is grace? Most importantly, you need to know that it is all around you. You just have to ask for it; it comes from God; it gets you through the day; it gets you through life. It is the power to accomplish in our lives what we can not accomplish on our own. It saves you; it makes eternal life possible. For life, it's more important than the air you breathe, or the water you drink. It is divine. It's unmerited."
Philippians 4:8
reads
Finally brothers,
whatever is true,
whatever is honorable,
whatever is just,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is commendable--
if there is any moral excellence
and if there is any praise--
dwell on these things.
Hardship or blessing?
Give it time.
Give it time.
My oldest brother, my tormentor at an early age, currently gives hugs and calls me "sweetie."
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