Shame On You...and Becoming Unglued.

In the book, UNGLUED, the writer, Lysa Terkeurst, tells of getting an email with the first line, "Shame on you." .... More than likely if you communicate with email or social media, you've been offended in some way at one time or another.

Before my last book was published, I received a scathing email from another author, who had agreed to read my manuscript. She shamed me because my font was not right, my subject line was not right, and that it basically would end up in the to-be-ditched file post haste simply because of these little things that I should know better about by this time. I felt stupid, inadequate, and wished I had never shared it with her.

Our first reaction when persons hit us with harsh communication is to explode, be offended, strike back. However, if we take a deep breath, we know there is a better way. From Ephesians 4:29, I read this morning, "Do not let anything unwholesome come out of my mouth, {or from my fingertips while at my computer} but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." 

Lisa, from UNGLUED, came up with a three-point response which I want to share:

1) Begin by honoring the offender. Okay, I know this is going to be hard. You don't have to honor the person's words; honor the person. Every one of us has something good...As in, it sounds like you're very upset because of....
2) Keep your response short and full of grace. If you'd like to discuss some better ways we can resolve this...
3) End by extending compassion. Chances are the person is hurting for reasons that have nothing to do with this situation. We can work this out.... have a good day...
*Also, remember not every harsh email needs a response; sometimes, it's best to just let it pass.

Lisa calls this method HOLY RESTRAINT and goes on to explain that it is the fruit that produces self-control. Cool! We could all use a dose of this once in a while.

I wrote back to the author to apologize for the inconvenience of a too-small font, etc. and offered to pay for the "ream" of paper she used to run off the manuscript. I tried to use nice words; it was difficult. She ended up writing an apology for her own words. Just maybe, she had had a bad day, maybe she wasn't feeling well. I felt a lot better putting my better foot forward than I would have if I had responded like I first wanted to....

Blessings on your journey.
Say something sweet today.... to someone who needs to hear it.